Day 7

Have you ever tried working around peoples schedules when they aren't willing to work around yours? I get it that most places of business are only open so late and only do so much, fine I'm used to that sort of give and take. When sis it become law for places of work to ignore hours of availability and force the staff to work random hours all the time? Ok, so back ground info that's needed... I went from working days for over a year with the odd weekend or night shift here and there (2 night and 2 weekends in the years' span) to working a couple nights and a couple weekends a month. The months that I worked those weekends and evenings was during the time that the girls weren't living with me... So i had the availability to work them. Back in Jan I changed the hours I could work to mostly days again cause I knew the girls were coming home soon and that there were going to be times that I had appointments and calls to make, visitations to participate in, and places to take the girls in the evening. I let them know well in advance that this was happening.

It's now second week into march, and since changing my availability I have pulled 5 shifts in the hours stated, 2 night shifts, and 2 weekends... I'm a single mom, the only family I have in the city is on the polar opposite side and busy with school themselves. The rest of the family lives outside of the city and is also usually busy with work. I went through a government agency for a letter to help show the management at work why it was I requested the hours I did on the availability sheet... Still nothing changed. So now not only do I have to put my daughters into after school daycare but find and manage to pay a sitter for the night shifts during the week that they are making me work. I mentioned I'm a SINGLE mom right? Work knows this. What I don't get it why I'm the only one being forced to work these hours... there are 3 team leads now, one that works strictly evening and the odd weekends, myself, and the new one that started monday. why isn't the one on evenings being forced to work day shifts, why just me? I understand that the new one needs time to get comfortable with opening and closing procedures but why just me being forced to work hours that are out of my availability?

I think tomorrow as I am in the office doing paper work that I will be looking into phone numbers and fax numbers for district and corporate levels to find out why I HAVE to work outside my availability. If it means I go looking for another job then that's what I will do. My daughters are important to me, anyone that knows me is well aware of that fact. If they weren't why would I have gone through 6 months of hell trying to get them back with me? Makes no sense to me who management is treating their staff, not when there are others that could and are willing to pull the hours that I can't.

Before I end this rant/blog I would like to give credit where it is due, and that's to my lil brother for stepping in with his g/f and helping me with all these night shifts, to my wonderful fiance as well for helping where my lil brother can't, and for the aunty, mom, and dad that have supported me throughout this whole adventure through hell. They have been amazing and invaluable to me. Without them I wouldn't be able to be posting any of this. I love you all.

day 1

Separation is difficult, not moving away from home, more like young children from parents. I recently had my daughters returned after 6 months apart. I seen them the odd weekend, and over  major holidays, but it wasn't till now that things hit home. Seeing them being driven away, not knowing if they were coming home, or what they were doing on a daily basis... It hit a spot that makes you think of all the bad things in life. For me those bad things also included a lot of "what if's" and "Should have's". What if I had been a better supporter financially? What if I was there more and working less? What if I had been married and not doing this all alone? What if I wasn't meant to be a mom in the first place? and the thoughts chased each other in circles, some times continuing to do so.

A break was needed, I told everyone as straight up as I could that I was starting to fall apart. For me straight as I could apparently wasn't straight enough. It took me 6 years to get the help I was asking for from actual people and not automated systems, but it also cost me 6 months separation from my daughters. Six months where I was alone in the house, I went about my daily routine unencumbered, fell asleep when I was tired, woke on days I started work later, went out on weekends that I didn't work and had the money to do so... That's all changed and it's happened in reality, all within a couple hours time span.

Those that are new to parenthood are given a while to prepare for the outcome. Some might want the sex of the child a surprise but they are still given almost a year to prepare. I was given a couple hours to prepare for the departure of my daughters and I know the process to get them back should have prepared me for their return... but it didn't, not fully anyways.

Don't get me wrong, I love that I have them back, I didn't want them gone in the first place. I'm now realizing what it was I was missing having them so young. The freedom to come and go, liberties to visitors, adult conversations... It's a nice pace that drove me up the wall. The quietness of the house... Hell I bought a cat for them that has followed me around the house until now. Dexter, the cat, can't seem to stay separated from me for more then a couple hours a day unless forced.. (my going to work). We all have adjustments to make, it'll take time. more then what people are expecting and less then forever, but doing that "time" anything can happen. Hopefully this round for the better.

Andrea